For anyone that may be reading this, I am moving my blog to http://bikerchick.wordpress.com. A friend recommended this one, people can leave comments without registering.

Today is my baby's 9th birthday. He's such a goofball and he's a nerd. He's in third grade and they are just learning multiplication but he knew those last year so we've been working on division here at home. The kid wants to learn this stuff. And he reads like a bookworm!I've been blessed with such good kids. And it's not because I'm such a good mother. Because I'm not. I try my best to what is right by them, love them alot and hope for the best.

In other news, apparently I am cool enough to escort teenagers to a concert. Tori asked me if I would take her and a friend to Ft. Wayne for a concert. I figured that I was a last resort that all other adults said no. But according to Tori, her friend (Juliet) thinks I'm cool and suggested they ask me. Oh Yay! I was their first choice. Of course, I'm dying to stay cool and will take them to said concert. Maybe I'll be mistaken for a teenager...okay, I can't get that lucky. But it should be fun.

I am drowning in a sea of homework. And I am clueless. It's not that I am not smart enough to do the work; I am suffering from senioritis. I've been a senior now for three or four semesters now. I started college in 2000 after working right out of high school and figured out that I was better than being a glorified secretary. As a wise friend told me, all I have to do is eek through the semester and then I'm free. So that is the plan - eek through. I just need get above a C in all my classes.

I seem to struggle like this whenever my life is at critical points that involve change. I am leaving college (after 5 years) and have to re-enter the workforce. I am a little intimidated that I am not good enough. I suffered from the same thing right before I graduated from high school. I had enlisted in the Marines but backed out a couple months before I shipped out. Turns out I was pregnant anyways and would have been DQ'd. So I stayed, got married, had another kid and divorced after six years of marriage. I have lived my life reactively by "letting things happen" and then dealing with the situation instead of being proactive by setting goals and then working to achieve them. Why? Because I fear failure more than anything so if I don't try then I don't fail. 'Nuff said.

Now I feel like a real headcase! But I am going to succeed - on purpose. I am going to quit whining and just do it.

My husband's driving makes me crazy!! He flips his turn signal on AS HE TURNS THE CORNER and often goes the wrong way because apparently he can't talk and drive at the same time. We went out for all you can eat Chinese and as we were on our way out, he was driving to the left of the the left turn lane!! And I'm telling him you need to get to the right, you need to get to the right but he was completely oblivous to what was going on. Now I know why I used to drive most places before we were married...

I woke up this morning thinking about who I am as a person. It's something that I've been thinking about the past couple of days. Sometimes it's hard to be so introspective especially if you are being completely honest with yourself. Recently, I've had to re-evaluate myself and recognize personality traits and characteristics that were unbecoming and identify some that are positive. Self discovery is a bitch! What it boiled down to is there were/are alot of things I don't like about myself. So, I can either be someone I don't like or I can change. I opted for change.

I've also been contemplating how I became the person I am now. I know that I'm not the same person I was in my late teens/early 20's. This all got me thinking about where I picked up personality traits. I've taken traits that I admired about some people -- parents, friends, other relatives and incorporated them into my personality while excluding traits that I dislikeed. Meanwhile, I neglected to look at myself to eliminate or reinforce traits. The answer I came up with is that I am who I am both on purpose and by accident. But for now, I am going to be who I am on purpose because I am going to choose who I am.

More to follow later...got to study for a linear algebra exam.